July 2009
4 posts
“When the Sports Illustrated report came out, we were sitting there, and this...”
– on steroids
“Hey, 2004 was like 20 years ago! And all you did was walk! Mariano let four fly!...”
– to Kevin Millar
“I don’t listen to any of that crap. Scouts, they’re going to doubt...”
“As long as it went over, I don’t care.”
– on yesterday’s home run
June 2009
10 posts
“Are you [expletive] me?”
– in response to Ken Macha telling him “Hey, you remind me of Chad Curtis.”
“What the [expletive] is that? Shut up!”
– on Japanese baseball fans
“Jonathan Papelbon is a great guy, but this other guy, Cinco Ocho, which he calls...”
“We’re in first place by [two] games. I don’t think anyone gives a...”
– censored by the Boston Globe
“I’m going to go out there and be who I am, and if you don’t like it, then watch...”
“You want a piece of me, meat?”
– to Brady Quinn during a ping pong game
“I don’t like losing at anything. Why should I?”
“C’mon, I’m like 5’2” 115.”
“If you’re gonna trespass on the field, make sure you’re naked.”
– while recording a PSA
“[Papelbon’s shirt] was terrible. I thought my body pulled it off, and his...”
– on whatever this ridiculousness was
May 2009
1 post
“Book it
i am going to hit 300 even after the horrible start i’m having...”
– text message to his college coach, 4:17 pm on April 19 2007
April 2009
7 posts
“I don’t know how to read.”
– when asked about the best thing he read last week
“I’m chalking all that stuff up to Usain Bolt throwing out the first pitch....”
– on making mistakes in yesterday’s game
“I mean it doesn’t matter if I’m 5’5” or...”
– on standing out
“Jerry Remy stunk.”
“There he is — the only opposing player who gets his own song played for him when...”
– on Kevin Millar and “My Town”
“That guy… is a dork.”
– on Alex Rodriguez
“I’m telling you, when we win the World Series, I’ll high-five...”
– to Kevin Cash
March 2009
10 posts
“Show up.”
– when asked what he has to do to beat Jed Lowrie in the Golden Paddle ping-pong championship
“I was warming up one day, and this elderly lady was wearing a #15 jersey and I...”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I was just polishing my MVP trophy.”
– PlayStation commercial
“The best one I heard was at Yankee Stadium. We were playing the shift on Giambi...”
– on short jokes
“Mike [expletive] Gallego, are you [expletive] me?”
– on being compared to Mike Gallego as a freshman
“Dude, when I was in high school, I was really good-looking.”
“I’m going to rip this ball right off your throat.”
– to Brady Quinn during a ping-pong game
“When you have a physique like this, something might happen.”
– on straining his abdominal muscle
“Daisuke is lucky I’m not there. I’d hit a line drive right off his...”
– on not being able to play in the World Baseball Classic against Team Japan
“Did you bring your glasses for the laser show tonight?”
– a text message to Kevin Millar